My Reflection on Hormones

MY REFLECTION ON HORMONES: Do you know what helps me experience calm actually causes my husband stress?

MY REFLECTION ON HORMONES:

Do you know what helps me experience calm actually causes my husband stress?

Let me give you an example from my own life.

It's from last night.

My husband was feeling overwhelmed and tired after taking care of our boys during the day. They are just getting over being sick, and well when kids are sick it takes an extra toll on all of us, especially parents.

I could tell my husband was in his survival mode (fight: snapping at me, responding quickly with an increased tone of voice, flight: avoiding conversations, and freeze: not responding when I was talking to him or asking me to repeat what I said because he didn't hear me)

Based on how my husband was acting, was that showing me that he doesn't love me? (ohh yes that comes up in my head from time to time)

No.

(Thankfully I learned about the hormonal differences).

His behaviors were simply just telling me that he is in his survival state. There he has 3 skills (fight, flight, and freeze). And often his tank is empty there (or close to being empty), so he doesn't have extra love and affection to give.

What happened on my end.

Well, I wanted to help him.

Do you find it is hard when your loved ones are struggling (in survival mode)? Do you want to do whatever you can to get them out?

I know I sure do.

So I did what I knew I would need in that moment. What would help me experience calm.

I SAID, "HONEY, LET'S TALK ABOUT IT. HOW ARE YOU FEELING? HOW CAN I TAKE CARE OF YOU RIGHT NOW?"

You know what happened?

I was trying to help him experience calm.

But I did the opposite. I caused him to stress out more.

Why did this happen?

I was trying to boost his estrogen. But that causes stress in men. He needed testosterone.

So what could I have done instead?

"HEY HONEY. WOULD YOU LIKE SOME TIME ALONE OR DO YOU WANT TO WORK ON FIXING SOMETHING RIGHT NOW?"

Hint: Men can boost testosterone by either fixing something or by having time alone.

Has this happened to you before? What have you found helps boost testosterone in the men in your life?

I'd love to hear from your own experiences. Send me an email to [email protected] if you'd like to share!

If you want some ideas of how to respond differently, let's chat! Schedule a time here.